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June 18, 2022

A Robot from Clarion 9 & The Big Blue Dinosaur

A Robot from Clarion 9 & The Big Blue Dinosaur
A CHILDRENS BOOK THAT'S REALLY NOT FOR KIDS...
 
 
 

Operator (911): This is 911 emergency services; my name is Frank. Are you in any danger?

Victim: OMG… Yes, Yes… A big blue dinosaur has kidnaped me!

Operator (911): Sir—

Victim: NO! I identify as a robot from the planet Clarion 9–

Operator (911): —Excuse me, but even on Clarion, I'm sure your autonomous emergency services only use their line for Emergency Services—

Victim: WAIT!!! You're right. I'm sorry, I just needed to make that distinction because my character sheet calls for "—monkish-like clarity for every time a biological life form addresses the implicated nature of my identity verbally." I had to—

Operator (911): Your… character sheet?

Victim: I've been kidnapped by a BLUE DINOSAUR! Lady, please!

Operator (911): Does his character sheet also have a "—dinosaurian-like quality from a reptoid planet that must kidnap alien robots whenever they cross their path" clause in their character sheet?

Victim: Probably, I don't know! We're not allowed-- Oh, sweet computational matrices…

Operator (911): Sorry, I identify as a dolphin whose character sheet prevents me from saving endangered robots from space… (CLICK)

 

Narrator: A character sheet, oh my! What could this mean for our mysterious resident who identifies as a robot from Clarion? Is Clarion 9 an actual planet? Where is this so-called big blue dinosaur taking this robot? If so, then why kidnap him?